I promise
by Bittersweethoney
Summary: Stiles has just moved into his own apartment, and Derek with him. What starts out with to friends sharing an apartment changes suddenly when Stiles buys a puppy and hurts his foot. Derek has to take care of Stiles, something that makes them both realize that there is so much more to each other than they knew.
1. Chapter 1

Derek came trough the door and saw Stiles sitting on the couch in the flat they shared. They had recently moved in together because Stiles wanted a flat away from his parents, and Derek needed somewhere to say.

"What is that?" Derek looked over at Stiles who was holding something on his lap.  
"A puppy, I called him Scott" Stiles smiled widely and gave Derek a proud look.  
"A puppy?" Derek was annoyed, he knew living with Stiles wouldn't be easy, but he wasn't prepared to get a damn dog.

"Well, I don't want a dog. You should have asked me" Stiles looked hurt up at Derek.  
"Well, I'm keeping him"

Stiles ran upset through the door.  
"Come, Scott!" He said harsh to the little puppy He slammed the door and went outside. Scott looked at Stiles with big eyes.  
"Aww, don't worry!" Stiles said with soft voice.  
"I won't ever kick you out, and Derek won't either; he is sweet as a kitten, you just have to get to know him first" Stiles lifted the cute puppy up in his arms and took some steps forward.  
"Cute, little thing!" Stiles said and tickled the little puppy. "I don't care whatever Derek says you're staying!"

They had been walking together for quite some time when Scott suddenly dragged the leach hard. Stiles tried to keep him in control, but he couldn't; the little puppy was way stronger than he expected. And he wasn't a werewolf either so he didn't really have that many muscles to use. After a hard fight against Scott's powerful dragging, he eventually slid on the ice covered ground and everything became black.

Derek was sitting at the bed when Scott came running through the door. Scott came over to Derek, he started pulling and dragging him out the door. Derek got annoyed until he realized that Stiles wasn't with Scott.

He was overcome with worry. Something could have happened to Stiles, and it would all be Derek's fault. Scott ran through the door and Derek followed. He followed all the way down to a road where he saw Stile's lifeless body lying there on the cold hard asphalt. He looked horrible, his face was all scratched up and he was bleeding from his foot. Derek picked him up and started carrying him.

Stiles started coming back to life. He felt funny though. Everything was moving and his foot hurt. To be honest his foot was extremely painful. He then realized someone was carrying him. He opened his eyes and looked straight into Derek's worried face. Stiles could see the relief in Derek's face when he realized he had woken up. But then his face changed suddenly.

"Don't ever do that to me again!" Derek's voice was full of anger.  
"Do what? I…," Stiles confused voice stopped in the middle of the sentence.  
"What even happened?" He continued. "You're the one that should know!" Derek was close to shouting. "Just promise me you will never do that again!" Stiles could hear Derek's voice almost breaking.

"What? But I didn't do…"  
" Just promise me!" Derek shouted. "I promise" Stiles said in a soft voice." I promise, calm down" he continued. "Fine" Derek said. Stiles found Derek's reaction weird. Why did he react like this?

"I can walk on my own, Stiles suddenly said. Despite how comfortable he felt in Derek's arms, the comfortable rocking forth and back, the warmth streaming from Derek's chest, Stiles didn't want to be a burden. He knew he wasn't that easy to carry.  
"Really?" Derek sighed and looked down on him with the usual "are you really that fucking silly" look.  
"Yes, really" Stiles answered like a stubborn child. Derek laughed and shook his head. Stiles was relieved that Derek's weird mood was over.  
"Well, if your foot doesn't hurt too badly I guess you can try" Derek smiled patronizing down on him.

Stiles didn't want to admit that his foot actually hurt a lot, so instead he slid down from Derek's shoulder on to the ground. Even before Stiles hit the ground he realized it wasn't a great idea. The ground felt like a melted hammer against his foot. He couldn't help but scream a little. Shortly after the foot gave up and he fell. Derek caught him as the supernatural creature he was, and his worried look were back. He threw Stiles back up in his arms again, and Stiles grabbed his neck, a little embarrassed over the whole scene. He felt his cheek getting red.

"I think your foot is more hurt than we thought" Derek said.  
"I better take you to the hospital" he continued. "Fine" Stiles said and made himself comfortable in Derek's arms. He actually kind of liked getting carried.

The hospital was white and clean; just as Stiles expected. He and Derek sat in a little room with a fat doctor. Derek's worried look was gone, after the long speech from the doctor about how Stiles' would be totally fine after a couple of weeks. It was just important to remember that Stiles' had to rest his foot, the doctor had said.

"You see? Nothing dangerous, there was no need to worry" Stiles said to Derek on the way out of the hospital. Derek just gave him a scary look that made Stiles shut his mouth.  
"Eeeh, actually, would you mind helping walk I'm kind of not being able to use both my feet if you can't see" Stiles said. Derek just picked him up and carried him again. "Well, that works too" Stiles smiled.

It was getting late when they finally got home. Stiles leaned on Derek when they were going up the stairs to their flat. He was half asleep so Derek had to almost carry him so he didn't wake up any further.

He laid Stiles down in his bed and went into the kitchen. "Eh, Derek. You need to help me undress" Derek walked back into the room and over to Stiles. Stiles sat up in his bed, he looked awkwardly up at Derek and smiled.

Derek placed his hands lightly around Stiles waist to help him stand.  
"Put, your hands up" Stiles placed both of his hands over his head, and Derek pulled his shirt of.

They just stood there for a moment looking at each other. Derek had never seen Stiles like this, he looked so beautiful.

Stiles sat down in his bed because he couldn't stand much longer because of his foot. He made a pathetic attempt on trying to remove his jeans. "Hey, let me help you" Derek sat down on his knees so he was almost the same height as Stiles. He pulled Stiles jeans of and hanged them gently over a chair.

Stiles lay down in the bed and pulled his covers on. Derek smiled sweetly at Stiles and went to turn off the lights.

"Please don't leave me"  
Derek turned around and looked at Stiles, he was already asleep. Derek went over to the bed and lay down next to him. He lay down with his chest against Stiles back and placed his hands gently around Stiles waist.  
He leaned in a little closer and kissed Stiles neck.  
"I won't, I promise" He whispered as he fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Stiles were awakened by some noises from the kitchen. He didn't think two times before shouting loudly: "Derek?" He regretted it the same second. What if it wasn't Derek? He took a deep breath when he heard heavy steps outside his bedroom.

He was overcome with relief when he saw Derek opening the door slowly. "Yes?" Derek said with a lifted eyebrow. "What are those noises coming from the kitchen?" Stiles asked suspiciously. Derek scratched his neck and looked at the floor. "Well, I'm kind of making breakfast", he said with a little hesitation. "Great, I'm starving", Stiles said before realizing what Derek actually had said. "Wait, what? Did you make breakfast? Just you?" Stiles said, shocked.

"Yes. I don't see why that is such a big problem to you, if you don't want I'll just eat it myself" Derek said in a self-defending voice. "No, of course I want breakfast, I'm just surprised", Stiles said quickly. "Could you hand me my clothes?" Stiles asked Derek nice. Derek went over to the chair he had laid his pants the night before and threw them over to Stiles. Stiles caught them in the air and tried to put them on, without succeeding.

Derek just watched him without an expression in his face. "Eeh, would you mind giving me some help?" Stiles asked with raised eyebrows. Derek sat down on the bed and helped him get the pants around his leg. Then Derek took an arm around Stiles' waist and lifted him up. He supported Stiles while he dragged up his pants.

Stiles had a funny feeling in his stomach that he couldn't quite describe. He felt Derek's warm, strong arm around his waist, and he realized he didn't want Derek to take it away. He was surprised by his own feelings. When Stiles had his clothes on, Derek helped him into the kitchen. Stiles were not prepared for the sight.

The kitchen was looking terrible. Pieces of food was laying everywhere and it smelt burnt. "What have you done?! Is this what you call making breakfast?! Most people would rather call it killing the kitchen by a massacre of all the food!" Stiles shouted in surprise. "I was just trying to make breakfast!" Derek shouted back in an angry voice. Stiles lifted his hands. "I'm sorry Derek," Stiles said. "I was just a little… surprised," he continued. Derek didn't answer; he just looked at Stiles in a harsh way. "Well, we better try to eat I guess," Stiles said. Derek sent him an angry look. "I mean we better eat," Stiles said quickly.

"I need to go" Derek grabbed his jacket and opened up the door.  
"Wait, I'll come with you" Stiles followed Derek out in the hall.

"No. it is dangerous. It is a werewolf thing, I am going out to meet Scott" Stiles looked deep into Derek's eyes.  
"No, I am going with you" Stiles said pouting.  
"Why do you have to be so stupid?" Derek regretted saying it as soon as the words slipped his mouth.

Stiles backed away from Derek, and limped into the apartment slamming his door on the way in. Derek went outside to meet up with Scott. There had been an unknown werewolf in the area which had been causing trouble.

Scott was already outside, waiting. They walked for a couple of miles into the woods, when someone attacked them. Scott was nowhere to be seen and Derek was pinned to the ground. He couldn't move, and then he heard a voice. "Hey douchebag" someone had hit the other werewolf in the head. It wasn't very hard, but it gave Derek enough time to get up.

Before they knew, the werewolf was gone.  
"Do you have a death wish?" Derek was mad, Stiles should have known better than to risk his own life like that.  
"I saved your life" Said Stiles defending himself.  
"I know, thank you, I am sorry" Derek walked closer to Stiles.  
"You know what? I am sick of you treating me like a child?" Stiles were almost yelling by now. Derek stood now only inches from his face. He took Stiles hand in his own. "Hey, I'm sorry. It is ok" He looked into Stiles eyes like they had every answer in the universe.

Stiles placed his hands around Derek's neck and pulled him in for a hug. They stood like that for a while, Stiles hands around Derek's neck and Derek's hands around Stiles waist.

They looked at each other and Stiles let out a short laugh. Stiles felt happy now, he felt complete, safe.  
"Guys?" Stiles got pulled out of his thoughts and almost jumped away from Derek. He gave a short scream because he landed on his foot that was hurt. Scott came over to them and gave them a weird look.

"Well, the wolf's gone" Scott said looking at them with distrust.  
"We should go home then" Derek said looking over at Stiles who was blushing.

Stiles thought to himself. He shouldn't be blushing about hugging Derek, he shouldn't be embarrassed. It was just an innocent hug between to friends, right?


	3. Chapter 3

There was an awkward silence on the way home. Derek had to help Stiles up the stair which just made the whole thing more awkward.

"We should talk". Stiles said, looking down on the carpet. "About what?" Derek went into the kitchen; he wanted nothing to do with where he thought the conversation was going.  
"What do you think? How about the weird touching and hugs?"

"There is nothing to talk about" Stiles was getting so frustrated, he knew Derek didn't love to talk about his feeling, but he couldn't just shrug this off.

"You can't just ignore this!" Stiles dragged himself into the kitchen. He looked at Derek who was sitting at the dining table.  
"Watch me" Derek walked past him and back into the living room.  
"Goddammit Derek!" Stiles limped into his bedroom and locked the door.

"Stiles don't be childish" Derek walked over to the outside of Stiles room and knocked gently on the door. He didn't get any answer, Stiles was sitting on his bed starring at the door.

"Stiles open the door" Still no answer; well that was his last warning. Derek took a step back and kicked the door in. Stiles jumped off the bed in surprise.

"Holy shit, you can't just break the fucking door Derek!" Stiles screamed.  
"Well, don't you think you are overreacting as well?" Derek sat down on the bed and looked up at Stiles.  
"No, not when you act like that and then pretend like nothing happened"

Stiles sat down next to Derek and studied him. "Well, let's talk then." Derek didn't want to have that conversation but if it made Stiles happy he might as well just get over with it.

"I need to know what is going on between us" Stiles said frustrated, he scratched his neck looking shy.  
" I don't know"

Stiles had never seen Derek like this, he looked nervous, and he was so vulnerable.

"Jesus, I feel like I am talking to a fricking wall" Derek stood up and walked in front of Stiles. He placed one foot at each side of Stiles legs. Derek sat down on Stiles lap so he was straddling him, and kissed him.

The kiss was quick and awkward, but the feeling of the others lips was the best thing ever for the both of them. Stiles lay down in the bed with Derek next to him. He kissed Derek, this time the kiss was different it was much more passionate and longing. Stiles longed to touch Derek and feel his body pressed against his own. He looked into Derek's beautiful eyes and kissed him again. He wanted this. Now.

He kissed him and he couldn't control himself. He placed himself on top of Derek and ripped his shirt of. He could feel his erection growing hard in his jeans, and Derek didn't seem to mind. Stiles pulled his own shirt off as well, the feeling of Derek's skin against his own was fantastic. His hand traced along Derek's toned muscles. He kissed Derek's neck and felt the salt taste of his skin, Derek groaned. The sound of Derek's groan almost did it for Stiles. Stiles continued to make little hickeys all over Derek's neck and collar bones. He kissed his way over Derek's chest and stomach.

He looked up at Derek. Derek gave him a smile and threw him on his back so he was on top now. Derek smirked and pulled Stiles pants off as well as his own. He took the lube that was standing on the nightstand and coated his fingers with it. Stiles placed his feet's at Derek's shoulder. Derek inserted first one finger into Stiles, then another one. Stiles' finds himself rocking back on Derek's fingers for the intense feeling when they hit that one spot. When Derek extracts his fingers and replaces them with his cock Stiles feel like he have never felt before, it is not a bad feeling though.

Derek finds a steady rhythm and starts to thrusts harder into Stiles.  
"Oh my god, _ungff _please don't stop" Derek looked down at Stiles and kisses him. He kissed and sucked on his neck, not hard enough to hurt him but it would leave a mark. Derek thrusts harder into Stiles and is rewarded with a whimper from Stiles who is on the edge of an orgasm.  
"Fuck, Derek" The sentence is interrupted by a loud moan as Stiles comes. "Stiles" Derek moans, and minutes later he is cumming as well.

Derek lay down next to Stiles and looked him in the eyes, smirking.  
"That was amazing" Stiles said while Derek got out of the bed to take a shower. While Derek was showering Stiles worried if he would come back, or where he would sleep. Would Derek sleep there in Stiles bed or in his own room? And what did it mean for the two of them.

A little while later Derek came back into the room and lay down next to Stiles. "Hey" Stiles smiled sincerely over to Derek.  
"Hey yourself" Derek looked at Stiles; he gave him a kiss and turned around. Stiles put his hands around Derek's waist and kissed his back, this time it was his turn to be the big spoon.

Stiles woke up slowly. He had the weirdest dream ever. He dreamt that he and Derek had… Wait. He opened his eyes quickly to see Derek laying next to him. It hadn't been a dream after all!

Stiles lay down again. He watched Derek closely. Watched his chest raise and lower, trying to breathe in the same pace. He studied Derek's face closely too. Watched his eyes, imagining them open. Watched his hair; his black, gorgeous hair. He could lay like this forever. Just staring at him.

But he wondered… How did this even happen? How on earth did Derek get feelings for him? Derek, that played tough badass with a stone face, wasn't really that stone-faced at all. In his heart he was kinder and softer than most people he knew, he had experienced that side of him yesterday.

But he still wondered if Derek was serious about this. What would they even do after this? Get married?

Stiles laughed of his silly thoughts. He imagined Derek walking down the isle in a white, big wedding dress crying off his mascara. Despite the fact that if anybody was going to be the bride, it was probably going to end up with Stiles.

He seemed to have laughed loud, because Derek suddenly started groaning. The little wrinkle between his eyes got more visible when he realized where he was.

"What…" Derek begun with a morning voice before yesterdays memories came back to him. "Oh" He finished. "Is that all you have to say" Stiles asked, expecting more of him. "Yeah" Derek answered while raising his eyebrows. Stiles reached out a hand to touch Derek, but Derek quickly sat up. Stiles took his hand back right away, feeling rejected. "I'm going to get some breakfast, are you coming?" He said already halfway out of the door, not even looking at Stiles once. Stiles sat shocked back. Why did he behave like that?

Stiles went after Derek, he couldn't walk that fast because of his foot. "What on earth was that all about?" Stiles said, trying to hide how rejected he felt. "What do you mean? I can't even go to make myself some breakfast? Really, Stiles?" Derek said in a patronizing voice. "You know damn well what I'm talking about Derek", Stiles said, slightly irritated now. Derek didn't answer him. He just sat down at the table, looking in some kind of book. "Now can you please leave me alone, I have some important stuff to take care of" Derek said, not even looking at Stiles. Stiles just stood there for a second with an open mouth, unsure about how he should react to Derek lack of politeness and respect.

"What is your damn problem Derek, I'm talking about last night, and that is something we really need to have a conversation about it" Stiles said. He was not going to let this pass. "I don't see why we have to talk about it, it was something just happening out of the blue" Derek said. "Don't worry, it won't happen again if that's what you're worried about" He continued. Derek turned around, watching Stiles closely. Studying his movements. Stiles felt Derek's burning eyes watching his body. "What do you mean by… It won't happen again?" Stiles said hurt. The wrinkle between Derek's eyebrows became more visible again. "Let's just forget the whole thing" Derek said harsh and turned around to his book again. Stiles went into his bedroom, got himself dressed in an incredible pace considering his leg, picked up Scott and went out the front door. He picked the car keys up from is pocket, got into the car, and drove away.

Stiles didn't think about where he should go before he drove off dramatically. It wasn't like he could og back again right after; he was pissed off and hurt by the way Derek had rejected him. He thought of going to Scott… but no. Scott wasn't too good at stuff like this. He also thought about Lydia, but then he remembered someone. The person on earth that loved him the most and would always welcome him. Dad.

He parked the car in the familiar driveway, picked up Scott and walked up the house. He loved coming home again. He felt like his dad could fix everything; but he couldn't, even though he tried. Stiles felt safe when he came home again.

He took the spare keys up from his pocket and locked himself inside. "Dad!" He shouted. The sheriff came running down the stairs right away. "Stiles!" His father smiled in surprise and gave him a big hug. "its way too long since I've seen you, what have you been up to lately?" The sheriff said. "Dad, we met two days ago", Stiles sighed. They both laughed. It was good to be home again. "Well, you know, it's hard when you're only son just moved out. It's so empty in this house now" The sheriff said smiling, but Stiles could hear the sadness in his voice. "Would you care less about my absence if you had two sons?" Stiles said with a grin on his face. The sheriff laughed and hit Stiles playfully in the back of his sons head. "I've missed you dad," Stiles said in a serious voice. "I've missed you too, Stiles, even if it was just for two days".

"what happened to your foot?" his father took a closer look at Stiles leg, he could clearly see that Stiles was limping. "Just an accident". Stile smiled to his father. " you could have called me you know"  
"Yeah, i know"

They walked into the living room. They sat down on the sofa and turned on the TV. After watching some stupid, meaningless shows, the sheriff turned the TV off. "Stiles, what's wrong?" He looked into his sons eyes. "Dad, I don't know what you mean" Stiles tried, but his father wasn't stupid. "Stiles, you know damn well what I mean. You're my son; I can see when things aren't as they should be" He said in an understanding, but at the same time demanding voice. "You know you can talk to me", he continued, a little softer.

Stiles hesitated. "Well… have you ever had a friend that one day is behaving perfectly well, and the next day they're totally different to you?" Stiles said. He had expected to feel more vulnerable and uncomfortable saying this, but he didn't. This was his dad. The person in the whole world he could trust the most. His dad thought a little before answering. "Who are we talking about?" Stiles father asked. Stiles answered quickly:  
" That's not important". His dad nodded. "Well, I have experienced that, yes. But then I just asked him what was wrong." "What did he say?" Stiles asked curious. "To be honest … He didn't really answer" The sheriff said with both his shoulders rise and lower. Stiles could relate to not getting an answer. His father and he was probably quite similar when it came to choosing friends. "Wow, dad, thanks, that really helps," Stiles said sarcastic. His dad smiled. "But my advice is to just ask him what's wrong. If he doesn't answer, he doesn't deserve to be your friend anymore", his dad said. Stiles could only think of how easy that would be. But unfortunately it wasn't that easy at all. Stiles just hugged his dad and thanked him for the help. His dad suddenly stood up from the sofa. "You know what? I think we should do something fun," the sheriff said. Stiles smiled. "Bowling?

They were driving home from the bowling hall. The sheriff had scored twice as much as his son, and he couldn't stop bragging. "You only won because of my foot! I'll crush you the next time!" Stiles said loud. "Well, maybe, but right now, you lost, so you're doing the dishes", The sheriff said, pleased with himself. Stiles didn't answer; he just looked grumpy at his dad.

"Listen, dad, can I stay home tonight?" Stiles asked after a while. "You mean sleeping?" Stiles dad asked with his eyes still on the road. "Yes". "Stiles of course you can, there's no need to ask! Your room is the same place as it's always been" The sheriff said warm. "Thanks, dad" Stiles said grateful. Go back to Derek was the last thing he wanted to do. "Have you been fighting with Derek? Is he the friend you were talking about earlier?" The sheriff asked. "No, dad, it's nothing to worry about" Stiles told his father. He could see that his father didn't believe him, but he didn't ask more questions.

Stiles threw himself onto the bed later that night. The day had been perfect, except for the thing with Derek of course. Even the dishes with his dad were good to do again. It was nice to sleep home again. He felt more safe and welcome here than anywhere else in the whole world. He thought about all the memories about this room. About this house. He thought about his mom. He felt closer to his mom when was here. A single tear found its way down his cheek. "Don't start crying, Stiles", he said to himself. He packed the sheets tight around his body and went quickly to sleep.

Stiles had been gone for longer than Derek expected, he knew that Stiles needed some time but it was after midnight. Derek was getting worried; he knew that Stiles had gone home to his fathers because he knew him that well. Derek decided he couldn't just stay home and wait, and he had been acting like a total douche towards Stiles.

He ran over to the house, he didn't want to scare him so he just threw rocks at his window.

"Hey, what the hell?" Stiles opened the window and looked at Derek; he got mad when he realized who it was. He was sick of the way Derek treated him sometimes, but he couldn't stop loving him. Love. Was that what it was? Was he in love with Derek?

"Hey, I am sorry. I know you probably don't want to talk to me but listen up. I have been acting like a total dick to you lately and I am sorry so please let me in so I can apologise" Derek said looking genuinely sorry. "Well ok, just come up"

Derek went up through the window and sat down at the windowsill.

"Look Stiles, I am really sorry. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did; it is just that I don't know how to handle my feelings towards you" Stiles lid up when Derek's said that. He had feelings for him, warm fuzzy feelings.  
"I don't know either; we will just have to figure it out together" Derek was smiling now, he went over to Stiles and kissed him.  
"But I am still sleeping here tonight, my dad will freak if I'm gone when he wakes up" Stiles laid down in the bed again, trying to go back to sleep.

Derek stood there for a moment, watching him. He eventually decided that he didn't want to leave Stiles, so he just laid down in the bed with him.

"You need to go" Stiles muttered, he was half asleep so he didn't really know what he was saying. "Don't worry, I will be gone before your dad wakes" Derek said and kissed him on his forehead. "Oh, ok"


	4. Chapter 4

Derek woke up early, he watched Stiles sleep for a bit before he went home.

When Stiles woke up he looked over to his side, he figured Derek had gone home. He got out of bed and took a shower.

With some struggle because of his leg he finally got down to the kitchen where his father was making breakfast. "Want some pancakes?" He gave his father a grateful smile and filled his plate. His father took some as well and they sat down with the kitchen table.

"So stiles" His father began. "Yeah" Stiles said while shoving a mouthful pancakes into his mouth. "Are you leaving today, I mean have you sorted things out with your _friend_". Stiles looked at his father. It was nice talking to him like this again. He had missed waking up to his smiling father and a fresh breakfast.

"Yes, I have" His father smiled. "well, don't hesitate to call or visit"  
"Believe me, I won't". Stile got up and washed his plate, before he went up to his room to get his things. "Bye dad"  
"Bye Stiles" Stiles got into his car and drove home.

When he arrived home he saw Derek sitting on the couch. He was afraid Derek would pretend like nothing had happened like he had done before. But he changes his mind when he saw Derek's face light up when he looked at him.

"Hey, I've missed you" Stiles went over to the couch and sat down next to Derek. "I have only been gone for a couple of hours". Stiles leaned over to Derek and kissed him.  
"Yeah, but I still missed you" He kissed him again.

Stiles looked deeply into Derek's eyes. His hands reached out after Derek's body, stroking every possible part of his body, never getting enough of his hot skin. He just wanted to be with him; forever and in all the ways he could. Be with him for real. He wanted Derek to be his, and he wanted to belong to Derek. 

Derek ripped Stiles shirt off, then his own. Stiles smiled. Suddenly Derek lifted Stiles up with his supernatural powers and pushed him into the wall. Their lips slammed into each other's like trains at top speed. Their bodies pressing against each other's, not getting enough. The longing after each other that was so painful and beautiful at the same time. That is what it means to love someone. Stiles finally understood what it meant now. Stiles hand reached out and grabbed Derek's neck; pulling him closer. Closer to each other. Their bodies clinging together like rings to a finger. Stiles felt the wall against his back and Derek against his chest. He stroke over Derek's hair, shoulders and chest, unsure what to do because of all the pleasure. Stiles was unprepared for Derek suddenly lifting him and tossing him at the couch; so he let out a little laugh. He watched Derek coming closer, laying on top of him at the end.

They were moving their bodies, adjusting their movements to each other's; like they were one. Their hands holding tight onto each other, Stiles scratching Derek's back. Derek turned Stiles hard around so that he was laying on his stomach. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Derek asked. "Yes, I'm sure" Stiles replied. He had decided. He wanted to do this, he was ready. Stiles prepared himself for what was coming next, wondering what it would be like. Derek pulled down his jeans and adjusted. He started thrusting, at first slowly and soft, then faster and more powerful. Stiles couldn't help but let out a moan, then more moans. Derek started thrusting harder and harder. "Jesus, Derek" Stiles moaned loudly as he came. The sound of Stiles moan made Derek go over the edge as he came with a loud moan as well.

They stayed like that for some time, just lying in each other's arms. Until they decided that they should clean themselves up.

"You know this thing between us..." Stiles began nervously. "Thing?" Derek raised his eyebrow. "You know what thing I'm talking about," Stiles continued, more confident. "Are you sure about that?" Derek continued teasing Stiles.

He knew how annoyed Stiles sometimes got over these things. "Jesus, Derek! Do I have to spell it for you?" Stiles said annoyed. Derek laughed. He loved when Stiles got annoyed. "Calm down, I know what you're talking about" Derek said, still laughing about Stiles slightly red cheeks. Stiles just sent him an irritated look.

"Honestly, I don't really know" Derek said. "We're just gonna have to give it some time and see if it works" He continued. "But it's serious, right?" Stiles looked straight into Derek's eyes. Derek nodded. "Yes, of course. I wouldn't do this if I wasn't serious about it" Derek said, looking at Stiles. He took Stiles hand. "You're special, Stiles. I... I really do care about you" Derek said in a suddenly vulnerable voice. Stiles smiled. Derek didn't talk about his feelings too often.

He liked it when Derek was like this. Because it meant that Derek trusted him and felt comfortable enough in his company to be himself 100%. "I really care about you too Derek" Stiles said. "You make me feel safe and needed at the same time" He kept on. Stiles leaned forward and their lips met passionately.

Derek walked over to Stiles who was watching some TV. "Hey" Derek sat down. They were watching some TV series about someone finding a skeleton in a dumpster and solving the murder.

It wasn't the best TV series. But they were comfortable like that, sitting next to each other with Derek's arm around Stiles, Holding hands. None of them wanted to leave the couch when the show was over, they wanted to sit like that forever and cuddle. But it was a lot over midnight and they wanted to get some sleep.

"Well, I am going to bed" Derek got out of the couch, still holding Stiles hand. Stiles stared at him for some time until Derek uttered "you coming?" Stiles smiled widely and got up.

They went into the bathroom and brushed their teeth and got ready for bed. Stiles needed Derek's help because of his foot, but Derek didn't seem to mind. Afterwards they went into Stiles bedroom.

Stiles studied Derek. His beautiful dark hair, those lovely eyes and his fantastic body. Derek was stretched out on the bed, taking almost all of the room. Stiles didn't mind though, this way it was so much easier looking at him and seeing every part of his body.

"Hey Derek" Stiles said softly while stroking Derek's hair. Derek turned his head and looked at stiles. "Yeah" he placed his hand under his head supporting it and looked directly at Stiles. "Do you realize how beautiful you are?" Derek just laughed. "I mean it". Stiles stroked Derek's cheek and kissed him softly.

"I love it when you get all emotional" Derek said and kissed him.

They sat like that for a while, talking and exchanging soft kisses until they fell asleep.

When Stiles woke up he just laid there looking at Derek. It felt so unreal, to wake up next to Derek like that. He felt so lucky that he got to kiss and hold him. Everything in his life just felt so right in that moment, he was happier than he had been for a while.

Scott came into the room and made a pathetic attempt of climbing into the bed. Stiles laughed at the little puppy, he lifted him up and placed him on his lap. Scott started licking Derek's face.

"Good morning" Derek said shoving the little puppy gently over to Stiles. "Hey" Stiles said while he placed Scott on the floor and got out of the bed.

"Hey stiles?" Derek said suggestively. "Yes?" Stiles turned to Derek. "How about you and I go out and do something today?" Stiles laughed. "You mean like a date?".  
"sure"

They got dressed and ate some breakfast before they decided exactly what they were going to do.

"How about a movie?" Stiles said looking over at Derek while eating.  
"Ok" Derek said and kissed Stiles.


	5. Chapter 5

"I can't believe you convinced me to watch that" They were on their way home from the cinema after watching Star Trek into Darkness. It was Stiles idea but after some convincing Derek went along with it.

"it wasn't that bad" Stiles looked at Derek "and it looked like you were enjoying yourself at the end" Derek just ignored Stiles and looked out the window of the jeep.

"I am going over to my dad later" Stiles said looking a little insecure at the road. "Why?" Derek asked. "I don't know. To murder him?" Stiles sarcastic tone was obvious and he looked over at Derek giving him a look that made him feel stupid. "I am going to talk to him, and tell him..." Derek looked at Stiles and raised an eyebrow.  
"About us?".  
"Yeah, I mean... if there is something to tell"

Derek took Stiles hand in his own and looked him deep into his eye. "Of course there is"

The rest of the ride home was silent, but it was a nice and comfortable kind of silence. Stiles thought of how in the world he was going to build up the courage to tell his father. The gay thing was easy, but telling him he was dating Derek. A guy his father knew was a werewolf. Not to mention the age difference.

Stiles knocked hard on the well-known door. He just had to stand there a few seconds before his dad opened. "Well, that was quick", Stiles smiled at Sheriff Stilinski and went inside; with some support from the Sheriff. His foot didn't want him to walk on his own.

"Stiles! That was a surprise!" The Sheriff said warm, welcoming his son into the house. "What, dad? Am I already a guest to this house? I moved out like 2 weeks ago" Stiles said with a smile. "No, Stiles, this will always be your home" Sheriff Stilinski said with a sad smile. "It's good to see you, Stiles", He continued. ,"Is your foot better?"

Stiles looked disappointed on his foot. "Well, It's not exactly great to put it that way" He said. "But luckily it's not going to be like this forever so I better keep my hopes up and keep on living my life", Stiles said, pleased with how positive he sounded.

They walked into the kitchen and sat down by the table. "But honestly dad, there is a reason I'm here. There is something I have to tell you", Stiles nervously confessed. "Yes, Stiles?" Sheriff Stilinski looked at his son with his eyebrows raised. He prepared himself mentally for what that maybe would come out of Stiles' mouth next. He had learned to expect the unexpected when it came to his son.

"Well, I'm kind of dating someone" Stiles said slowly. Sheriff Stilinski was relieved. Was this all? He hoped so, but Stiles didn't look like he was finished. "And… it's kind of a… guy" Stiles said in a low voice, looking down on his legs. Sheriff Stilinski needed some seconds to think before answering.

It came as quite a shock, actually. He hadn't really had strong suspicions about it, he thought his son liked girls. But maybe he did that too. But he was sure about one thing; it didn't make him love his son any less. The sheriff leaned over the table and held his hand on Stiles' arm. " Stiles I am happy that you feel comfortable telling met his. I'm glad you did, because it won't change anything in how I feel about you or how much I love you. I want you to know that" Sheriff Stilinski said with his voice full of love.

Stiles nodded, relieved, and leaned over the table to hug his dad. They stood like that for some time. "But dad… that's not everything" Stiles said. He tried to cover his nervousness, but the sheriff heard it. The wrinkle between his eyebrows got more visible. His son had just told him he was gay. Was there even more to tell? " Who are you dating exactly?" The sheriff said with great suspicion in his voice.

"Don't freak out okay dad?" Stiles said. The sheriff nodded. He didn't know if he even wanted Stiles to tell him who he was dating. The answer was clearly something he didn't want to hear, judged by Stiles' behaviour. "Dad … it's Derek Hale". Stiles knew his dad reaction wouldn't be happiness, but this was nothing like he expected. He could see the rage build up in the man's body, like a bomb ready to explode. Stiles looked nervous at his father. "Dad, it's not…" Stiles began, but he was interrupted by his dad. "WHAT?! ARE YOU COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MIND?!" The sheriff shouted so about half the neighbourhood could hear him, Stiles was sure. Stiles reached out a hand to lay on his dad's shoulder, but Sheriff Stilinski shrugged it off. " The gay-thing I'm okay with, but DEREK HALE?! Of all people?!" The sheriff took his head in his hands and just stood there for some time, trying hard to control himself.

"You know what, let' just forget the whole thing and order some pizza and I'm sure everything will..." Stiles was interrupted by his dad. "Not to mention the fact that he is a damn werewolf and earlier suspect for murder, he is way too old for you Stiles!" His dad shouted. "Dad, c'mon, it's only... 4 or 5 years..." Stiles hesitated a little. The sheriff just gave him an upset look. "Dad! Just give the guy a chance!" "God Stiles" Sheriff Stilinski just looked upset at his son. "Dinner, okay? Here tonight?" Stiles said quickly, and started running towards the door. Well, he tried to run. Damn foot. "Six o'clock sounds great, love you dad!" He hurried to say before his dad got the chance to say anything more. He shut the door and got into his car, even though he worried his dad would come after him considering the amount of time he used. But he didn't, and Stiles guessed that meant dinner six o'clock. Wow. What a freakin bad idea. Good job, Stiles, he told himself, what the hell have you done?

Later that night they once again drove over to Stiles dad. They stood awkwardly outside the door for a couple of minutes while building up the courage to ring the doorbell. When they finally did they were met by the face of a not so happy sheriff.

Derek reached out to shake the sheriff's hand. But he was met with a cold "Hello Derek" and had to awkwardly put his hand back into his pocket as Stiles dad walked into the living room.

"Don't worry" Stiles said pulling Derek in for a hug and kissing him. "It will be fine" Even though Stiles did not believe it was going to be fine at all, he was more prepared for a total catastrophe he said it to calm Derek.

They walked into the living room, sitting down next to the sheriff. The meal was terribly awkward. It was eaten in silence with a few pathetic attempts of conversation by Stiles.

"So Derek killed anyone lately?" Stiles almost jumped off his chair. "DAD!" he looked at Derek." You do not have to answer that!" Stiles had known this night wasn't going to be the easiest, but he didn't think his father hated Derek that much. It's not like he didn't have a reason though, who would want their son to date someone as dangerous as he thought Derek was.

Derek didn't react like Stiles did. It wasn't the fact that he wasn't upset, but he just really had an urge to make Stiles father like him.

"No sir, I have not"  
"well that's fantastic, but I still don't want you dating my son" The sheriff was furious now; he stood up and looked over at Derek.

"Look, sheriff you might have gotten the wrong impression of me and I understand that. But I really care about Stiles and I would never do anything to hurt him"

The short speech left the sheriff quite baffled, he just gave Derek a nod and sat down to continue eating.

Stiles felt so extremely happy, the night had been terrible but hearing Derek say those words was the greatest feeling he could imagine.


	6. Chapter 6

"Derek?" Stiles` voice was hear able into the kitchen, where Derek sat with the table, forcing himself to eat some breakfast. He lifted his head to look into Stiles` eyes when he entered the kitchen, with his non-gracious moves caused by his hurt foot.

"Yes, Stiles?" Derek looked down on his plate again. "Well, I was wondering, because we`ve experienced some crappy things lately, why don`t we just do something fun and forget everything?" Stiles said quickly, nervous about what Derek would say about his proposal. Derek looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Fun?" Derek said a little patronizing.

"Yeah, you know that thing you do when you laugh and enjoy something? It`s called having fun", Stiles said with his sarcastic voice. Derek looked irritated at him. "But what do you want to do?" Stiles said without waiting for Derek`s answer. "We could try finding out something about that thing that happened in the woods yesterday" Derek said.

"No! It`s not even an option. If you do that I will personally kick your ass" Stiles said. He was decided. "You? Kick my ass? You are aware that I am a werewolf right?" Derek said with his kindly patronizing look again. "I think you are underestimating my willpower", Stiles said with confidence. Derek laughed and put his hands in the air. "Fine! What about some exercising? You could need some" Derek said. "No, no, no! I said fun! And if you haven`t noticed my foot is kind of broken" Stiles said with great irritation. Couldn`t Derek just come up with something fun to do? Was it really this hard.

"There are a lot of exercises you can…" Derek began in a lecturing voice before he was interrupted by Stiles sigh. "Still not an option, Derek" He said, and Derek didn`t argue anymore. He just laughed. Stiles eyes suddenly lighted up like a light bulb. Oh, no, was Derek`s only thought as he saw an idea take form in Stiles head. "I know what we can do!" Stiles looked enthusiastic at Derek. Derek looked at Stiles, nervous about the proposal he would come with next. "Let`s go to Comic-con!"

"Holy shit, this place is awesome" They walked hand in hand inside the convention looking around. Derek loved seeing Stiles like that, he was so enthusiastic, and Derek found Stiles geekiness extremely attractive even though he wouldn't admit it.

"And Derek? Isaac is meeting us here later"  
"oh, ok"

Stiles were almost jumping up and down like a little child looking at all of the cool stuff. Derek was less enthusiastic; after all he was only there to please Stiles. And in addition Derek had to support Stiles because he couldn't use his foot like normal yet.

"Hey, Stiles?" Derek pulled Stiles hand so he stood still for a moment. "Yes?" Stiles stopped eager to get going. "Why don't we do something fun?" Derek looked intensely at Stiles.  
"Sure, like what?" He looked back at Derek. "I mean something_ fun"_ Derek gave Stiles a half smile and pulled him closer, he took both of Stiles hands into his own and stroked his fingers.

"What do you mean?" Stiles just looked clueless. Derek took one step closer to him and whispered into Stiles ear. "I mean that I would like to fuck you against the bathroom wall" Stiles eyes widened.  
"Well, yeah, we could totally do that"

They almost ran into the bathroom in the convention. Once they closed the door Derek pushed Stiles against the wall kissing him while ripping off his clothes as well as his own.

Derek could hear Stiles heart beating faster, it almost always did when he was with Derek. Being with Derek made him feel so amazing and scared at the same time, it was just a strange mixture of feelings.

Derek was pressing his hips against Stiles, feeling Stiles hard on against his own made Derek painfully hard. He wanted Stiles so much, he wanted to touch him and kiss him all over his magnificent body.

"Turn around" He whispered between kisses he placed on Stiles neck and collar bones.

"No, you turn around" Stile said with a determined voice.  
"What?"  
"you heard me." Derek was surprised by Stiles taking charge like that, but he certainly was not complaining.

Derek turned around, Stiles started to kiss his neck and his beautifully muscled back. He pulled down Derek's pants and freed his own painfully hard cock from his own pants. He found a condom and some lube in his pocket.

He firstly coated his fingers in the lube and started by pushing one into Derek. The sensation was new to Derek, but not unpleasant. When Stiles pushed another finger inside he hit that spot that made Derek shiver, it felt like nothing he could describe.

When Stiles exchanged his fingers for his cock Derek couldn't contain his moans any longer, he was so loud Stiles was sure people would come in to see if everybody was alive.

Stiles found a steady rhythm and started thrusting carefully into Derek.  
"Fuck" Derek said, as his moans only got higher.

It made Stile thrust harder into Derek and the moans that escaped Derek mouth was like drugs to Stiles, making him feel invincible.

Derek came with a scream, his muscles tightening around Stiles cock made him come as well.

"Eh, Stiles?" Derek voice was dramatically changed.  
"Yeah?".  
"There is another werewolf here"

They got dressed quickly and opened the door; outside they were met with a terrified looking Isaac.

"Guys, what the fuck, I did not need to hear that"

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Stiles thought. How long had he been standing there? And there was literally no other explanation he could give him.

"eh, Isaac. I was, we were just" Stiles started, he was blushing like crazy. He felt like his whole face was red. And Derek wasn't much help either, he just stood there.

"You were just fucking Derek, and now I am scarred for life. Thank you very much." Isaac went out the door almost running.

"Well now we at least don't have to tell him about us" Derek's way of looking at this positively surprised Stiles. He kissed Stiles's cheek and laughed, and Derek couldn't contain his laughter either. They laughed so much that they had to sit down and their stomachs was hurting after all the laughing.

"Derek?" They were sitting on the floor inside the bathroom looking at each other. This is how Stiles wanted to spend the rest of his life, just laughing and having fun with Derek.  
"Yeah"

"I think I love you" He said the words so fast they were almost impossible to understand, but it was the only way he was going to get courage to tell Derek he loved him like this.

"I hope you do, because I know I love you Stiles"


	7. Chapter 7

After the convention they decided to go straight home. They got into Stiles jeep, just sitting there for a moment looking at each other.

"Well?" Derek looked at Stiles trying to snap him back into reality.  
"Well what?" Stiles said suddenly realising that he should probably start driving. "Aren't you going to like start the car?" Derek smiled.  
"huh, oh right yeah" Stiles started driving .

"So what do you think?" Stiles asked excited. "It was... interesting" Derek looked down into the ground; Stiles knew that Derek hated being there but he loved the fact that he did it because of him. "I'm sorry for dragging you along" He looked Derek with a sincere look on his face. "It's fine, I don't care what we do as long as I get to spend more time with you" He kissed Stiles cheek. "You should care, if you keep doing things that you don't want to do because of me you can end up resenting me and I don't want you to do that". Derek laughed. "Is that funny to you?" Stiles asked.  
"No, but you are when you are rambling like a crazy person" He kissed Stiles cheek again.

"If you keep doing that I won't be able to keep my eyes on the road"  
"Okay, I'll stop" Derek leaned back in his seat.  
"I feel kind of bad for Isaac though" Stiles said.  
"I know me too, but did you see his face?" Derek laughed. "You are awful" Stiles said jokingly. "I know, but you love me"  
"yes I do" Stiles turned to Derek and kissed him.

And in that moment, when Stiles turned back and looked at the road there was someone coming towards them. It was a huge truck, knocking the jeep into the trench. He couldn't control the car, there were trees everywhere. The last thing he remembered was Derek screaming his name.

Derek looked confused around. "What" he began, his brain working hard trying to figure out where he was. He then remembered.

"STILES!" Derek shouted in panic. "STILES!" He continued searching, panicking even more. He then saw the car and felt his heart beating out of control. He stumbled his way over to the car; he had been thrown out of the car. It was totally wrecked, smoke was coming from the front.

The next thing he saw was Stiles. Stiles neck was placed in a not natural position, and blood was coming from his face.

"Derek" He whispered like he had no powers left. "Stiles, Stiles no, please no." Derek cried out loud. "Please Stiles stay with me don't leave me!" Derek took Stiles in his arms, rocking him forth and back. He cried loudly out, screaming.

"Derek" Stiles whispered, he swallowed and opened his mouth like he had no powers left to even talk. "Have you…healed?" Stiles asked worried.

He had. He wanted to punch himself in the face. He had healed. He was a werewolf, Stiles was not.  
"Yes Stiles, I have. I'm alright" Derek cried out loud. "That's...Good." Stiles whispered and used his last breath. Stiles closed his eyes. "Ambulance" Stiles swallowed again, trying his best. Derek picked up his phone and dialled the number.

His voice was shaking, but he managed to tell where he was and what had happened. "I called, they're here as fast as possible" Derek whispered with great pain in his voice. "Dad…I love him" Stiles whispered with tears streaming down his face.

"NO! STILES! You're not dying from me! You promised!" Derek shouted.  
"I love you Derek" Stiles looked at him, love filled his eyes. "STILES!" Derek shouted, almost angry now. As Stiles slowly closed his eyes Derek started to shake Stiles lifeless body. He checked his pulse, it was there but it was slow. Maybe there was still hope.

He heard the ambulance sirens, and started crying. This couldn't be real, it couldn't be happening. No. Not Stiles. Stiles couldn't be taken away from him. He watched as the medics hurried the car taking Stiles carefully out of Derek's arms. He didn't want to let go of him. He didn't. But he had to. He slowly released tight grip around Stiles shoulders, kissed his forehead and watched as they laid him down on the trolley and rolled him to the ambulance. He followed them, sitting beside Stiles and holding his hand the whole way.

Derek sat at the end of the bed looking at Stiles. He could see him struggling to breathe. It was killing Derek to see Stiles like that. Derek tried to take away Stiles pain, but it was no help.

The sheriff came through the door. His eyes were red and puffy, and there were tears in them. He looked at Stiles and Derek. You could see the shock on his face when he realized that he was losing his son. The one close family he had left. He broke down in tears and sat down at the bed.

"Stiles, please... I can't lose you too" He uttered while crying. The sheriff looked so broken. Derek left the room, giving Stiles and his father some time alone just the two of them. He had tried to contain himself from not breaking down in tears with Stiles father there, but the second he left the room he couldn't hold it in any more.

He could not lose Stiles. Stiles were his reason. He was the reason to wakes up in the morning. His reason to get out of bed. How could he possibly cope without him? How could he go on without having Stiles there to be sarcastic and tell stupid jokes?

Suddenly he felt himself getting pushed against the wall. "It's your fault!" The sheriff screamed. "If he hadn't met you, none of this would have happened!" Derek pushed him away.  
"I know! Don't you think I fucking know that?! It is the worst feeling knowing that I have basically killed the one person who means the world to me"

In that moment they saw Scott's mom coming towards them, with tears in her eyes. "Guys?... You need to come here"

They went into Stiles room. When Derek saw Stiles it felt like time stopped. Everything was unclear. Stiles lay in the bed gasping for air. Then it all stopped. Derek didn't hear the sound of the heart monitor stopping. He refused to hear it; he wanted to stay without knowing.


	8. Chapter 8

Derek closed his eyes, this couldn't be real. He wanted to open his eyes and see Stiles there, awake. But that wouldn't be the sight that met him when he opened his eyes. It was all too much, seeing Stiles lifeless body lying there. Dead. He couldn't take it, he needed to get away from there and forget. If only for a moment.

Derek left the hospital without saying anything. What was he supposed to say to a man that had just lost his son? And the sheriff hated him anyway so he didn't want to make it any worse than it already was. Derek didn't know where to go, he couldn't go back to the flat. It reminded him too much about Stiles, and he needed to forget a little bit. He decided to go to the one place he knew he wouldn't be bothered by anyone.

Derek opened the door and walked inside the burnt down house. It was in a terrible condition, the only thing that looked good was the front door and that was only because of the sign the alphas had put on it. It all seemed so small, the problems with everything else didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered now that he had lost Stiles. Derek looked around in the house and sat down on some boxes. He just sat there with an expressionless face and stared into light air.

Derek opened his eyes. His back hurt, he had been laying on something hard. The floor. He got up and looked around. He had been sleeping in the old, burnt down house. Why? He had to find Stiles, he had to eat breakfast, and he had to do so many things why was he wasting his time here? How had he even gotten here? Derek stood there for a couple of seconds before he remembered. Everything. Stiles was dead. And it was Derek`s fault.

His Stiles was gone. Stiles with the sarcastic voice, jokes, cute smile and crazy ideas. The way he took care of everyone else before himself. It was all gone. Stiles didn`t exist anymore. Derek waited. Waited for Stiles to come driving, telling him to get his slow ass into the car. Derek hoped. Didn`t want to face the truth. The truth that made his stomach turn and his head feel like someone pulled out his brain.

He didn`t put an effort in holding back the tears. He wanted to drown in the ocean of them. He wanted to hear Stiles` voice again. Wanted him to come with some useless fact about something. Wearing his Doctor Who t-shirt not being able to stop talking about yesterday. No. Derek would never see him again. "And it`s my fault" He kept telling himself. Over and over again. He couldn`t take it anymore. He ripped his shirt off, and started scratching his stomach.

He started bleeding, but he knew he would heal fast. He was a werewolf. Stiles wasn`t. He survived. Stiles didn`t. A car accident killed him. A car accident. Stiles was gone. The three words Derek started to realize more and more. A sentence that felt like needles in his head when he continued telling himself. Stiles was gone. And he was never coming back. He couldn`t breathe. His heart beat in an unbelievable pace. He was about to have a panic attack.

Those Stiles had so many of after his mother died. No. No more Stiles. He couldn`t think of him. His name was like a knife turning around in his stomach. His name made the memories come back to him. The knife started turning faster the more memories until it became a chainsaw. A chainsaw in his stomach. That`s what it felt like. He needed a bag. No. He had to run. Run from this place. Run from the past. Run and never stop again. He wanted to die. Die from exhaustion. Maybe an accident? Or maybe falling off a cliff would do it. Why should he keep on living? He was already dead inside. His feet slammed to the ground in the pace of his heartbeats.

His eyes focused right in front of him, as he concentrated about running between the trees. Left. Right. Left. His arms swung forth and back to keep balanced. He screamed. Stiles. Pain. Dead. Three words that repeated themselves in his head. He kept screaming. Loud and desperate. Suddenly a shadow ran past him. Derek stopped. He searched around the trees for any signs of life.

Something all of a sudden grabbed him from behind. He didn`t put up a fight. If someone wanted to kill him, this was the perfect time to do so. The attacker turned him around, and Derek was surprised to be staring straight into Scott`s eyes. Derek had to admit he was kind of disappointed. Scott wouldn`t kill him. Wouldn`t even hurt him a little. "What are you doing?" Scott asked angry."Is this because of…" Scott swallowed, holding his tears back. "None of your business" Derek said back in a dark, threatening voice. He knew he was just trying to help, but he didn`t want help.

He didn`t need it. "Yes actually it is" He heard another voice saying. Isaac. "I`m fine, I don`t need your help" Derek said. His voice darker and more threatening this time. He turned and ran away. He didn`t need their stupid help. Help is overrated. He had to be alone. He felt a hand on his shoulder, pulling him backwards, and he landed on the ground with a loud groan. "We are not leaving you alone in this condition, no matter what you say" Scott said firmly. He pulled him up by his arm, and Isaac kept a tight grip on the other arm. There was no reason to fight. He wouldn`t win. They were two.

Derek nodded. He shrugged them off and started walking. He better assure them that he was fine then. They ended up at Scott`s place. Scott`s mother was working, they had the house to themselves. No one said a word walking up the stairs and into Scott`s room and entered. The first thing that caught Derek`s eyes, was a picture. A picture of Scott and Stiles smiling in their Lacrosse gear. Stiles. That was enough to make Derek go insane. It felt like his head was about to explode.

He couldn`t breathe; he just kept on thinking about the three words: Stiles is gone. He was having a panic attack. It made him think even more of Stiles, and the panic attack got worse. Stiles. He thought about his worried voice. A voice he would never hear again. His useless, random facts that would never be told again and his sarcastic jokes that never would be made fun of again. His smile. Their conversations. His laugh. He didn`t know what to do, where to go. He wanted to disappear. A pain he was without words to describe. He wanted to rip his heart out and never feel again.

He wanted to destroy a building. He wanted to kill someone. Kill the truck driver. Punish him for taking away Stiles. But he couldn`t blame the truck driver. He could only blame himself. He wanted to bleed to death, he wanted to die a painful death. He didn`t care. Everything was better than this. Everything was better than the torture knowing that Stiles would never put his feet on this earth again. He would never laugh or smile gain. He would never stay safe in Derek`s arms again. Derek was no longer able to protect him, because there was no longer anyone to protect.

Derek grabbed the nearest item and threw it with all his powers. It slammed into the wall and scrambled to the floor, leaving a big mark where the item had hit. It was a trophy. Lacrosse. Stiles. Player 24. He grabbed another item; a glass of some sort. It crushed in thousand pieces when hitting the wall. Whether Scott or Isaac tried to stop him. They let him go on like a wild animal for quite some time.

After he had smashed and destroyed about everything in Scott`s room, he stopped. His heavy breath was the only sound in the room. Scott all of a sudden started scrambling around in his shelf. He pulled out a box with some pills in it. He gave three of them to Derek. "Take these" he said "it will help you". Derek trusted Scott. He was so tired. So exhausted. He swallowed the pills without water. "Sleeping pills" Isaac said. Derek looked at them with big eyes. "Are you stupid? They won`t help!" Derek shouted. "Relax, Derek. These will, trust me " Scott assured him calmly. Derek laid down on the bed. Scott was right. It didn`t take him long to black out.

Derek opened his eyes, he could see Scott and Isaac in front of him looking carefully at him. The room looked like shit, everything was broken or thrown somewhere.  
"Are you…calm?" Isaac uttered. Derek got up and sat down on the bed, he put is hurting head in his hands and rubbed his eyes gently.  
"Yeah, I am fine" Derek said a little groggily as he looked down trying to avoid the conversation.

"Derek?" Scott looked at him, he sat down next to Derek. "It is ok to be angry, we understand" Scott continued compassionately. He could see Derek tearing up and patted him awkwardly on the shoulder. Derek just sat there, but he appreciated the gesture.  
"I know" Derek said looking up at Scott. "And you can stay here tonight if you want" Scott said reassuringly. Derek just gave him a sad smile and a nod.

Scott answered his ringing phone. He didn't say anything except Ok in the conversation. "The funeral is tomorrow" He said looking over at Derek.

A funeral. It couldn`t be real. This couldn`t be Stiles` funeral. It didn`t make any sense. It was wrong. There was some kind of mistake. He was dreaming. This was a nightmare. It had to be. It couldn`t be real. He couldn`t live the rest of his life without Stiles. He wasn`t even sure if he would get through the next day already.

So many people. So many classmates and people from the town. All of his friends. He didn`t feel right to be here. He felt like he interrupted something. Like he didn`t know the dead person. He saw Sheriff Stilinski. He sent Derek an angry look. It was obvious that he didn`t want him to be here. Everyone kept looking at him. Their looks all said the same thing. Why are you here? You don`t belong here. Go away.

He felt their judging looks in his neck. His breath going faster. He couldn`t stay. This was not the right way to honour Stiles` memory. Stiles wouldn`t want this for him. Or would he. He followed the crowd for quite some time, before he changed his mind. No. He couldn`t. He turned around and started walking quickly towards the spot he came from. He went into the woods and leaned to a tree. He was going to wait. Wait until everyone was gone. He wanted to say goodbye alone.

Derek watched Stiles father looking at his grave. He talked to it for a bit, said goodbye to his son. When the sheriff left Derek went over to the grave. It didn't have a real gravestone yet, just one of those wooden crosses. Derek looked at it for what felt like an eternity just realising that Stiles was buried there. It felt unreal seeing it. Derek sat down in front of the cross so he was facing it. He didn't know what to do, he wanted a goodbye. He knew he was never getting one though.

"Hi" He felt stupid the moment he said it, but he needed to get it out. "I'm so sorry" Derek was tearing up. "I wish it was something I could do, I wish that it never happened…And I am sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you. I never meant to, I love you Stiles." Derek wiped away a tear. "And I am sorry for being an asshole to you sometimes, And because it is my fault that you're dead".

Derek didn't say anything more. He just sat there and looked at the cross. He didn't want to leave yet, he wanted to sit with Stiles this last time.

Derek got on his feet. He stood there for a couple of minutes, just staring at Stiles` grave. He closed his eyes and imagined Stiles coming towards him. Serve him a joke. He imagined his smile. His fantastic smile. And his laugh. Oh his laugh. Derek felt his heart in the throat. He wanted to hear Stiles` steps coming closer. Feel his hands around his chest. But it wouldn`t happen. Never again.

It would from now on always just be a memory. There was no point in standing here anymore. Talking to a cross, imagining that Stiles would hear him. It was a stupid thing. He turned around and faced the graveyard. So many graves. So much pain, grief and helplessness that he could feel it. An unwelcoming feeling that made him shiver. In a very uncomfortable way. But Stiles. Stiles. He was the person he had cared the most about; even though they had known each other for such a short amount of time. What they had was special. Stiles was special.

He started walking. He knew other places that was better to honour his memory. To remember him. The apartment was dark. He could feel Stiles. Being there. With him. He could almost feel his hand on Derek`s shoulder. Could almost hear his voice, making him calm. He pushed down the knob, opening the door. He walked in, and it felt like he was punched in the stomach. 

His automatically started crying, unable to hold it in. All of Stiles. He could feel it. Feel it from his head to his fingertips, from his chest to his toes. So much more than on the graveyard. And Derek started to realize. Stiles was never going to see him again. Ever. The meaning of it wasn`t possible to describe. He couldn`t put words to the feeling of realization. Like a ton of stones were thrown against him. Over and over again.

He didn`t know where to go, what to do, what to think. He had problems getting the air in his lungs: like he was trying to grip the air and hold it in his hands. Stiles is dead. Stiles. Is. Dead. Stiles. Is. Dead. Derek started mumbling to himself. "Stiles is dead, Stiles is dead". He wasn`t going to walk in this apartment again. Never going to wear his clothes again. His clothes. He sent the wardrobe a look. He ran over to it ripping the doors out. The slammed into the ground, scrambling over to the other side of the room. He ripped every single t-shirt, pair of pants and sweaters out until he had a big pile of Stiles clothes in the centre of the room.

He stood there, smelling it. Stiles smell. Stiles. He was never going to wear these clothes again. He would never feel his hands on his waist, or strike his hair again. Never. He fell to his knees. A flow of tears falling to the floor. He couldn`t take it anymore. When would this awful feeling disappear? He felt like he was falling deeper and deeper into a black hole; there was no way out, he just had to keep on falling until he hit the ground. He didn`t want to hit the ground.

He wanted to climb out of this terrible situation. He wanted Stiles to be waiting for him at the top. Telling him everything was fine. He couldn`t keep upraised anymore. He fell into the pile of stiles` clothes. Just laying there. Smelling. Remembering. Crying. Caring. If this was what caring felt like, he didn`t want to anymore. He didn`t want to care. Ever again. All of a sudden it stopped. The pain disappeared. Left him like an empty shell. He didn`t mind. He stopped thinking. His mind blacked out as his eyes kept staring into the wall, imagining Stiles coming into the door, wondering why he was crying in a pile of his clothes like he was dead. But he was dead. That was the problem. Stiles was dead. And Derek couldn`t do anything to change it.


End file.
